I was reading a book the other day from a grieving mother's perspective. She lost a baby to SIDS and her five-year old was killed when he was struck by a car while running across the road in front of his house. I could relate to this mother in so many ways - having lost two babies and a six-year old daughter. Her doctrine concerning death was a little different than mine, but her feelings, heartache and thoughts were very familiar. I was touched by this book and was glad I read it, but I wrote down something that this lady said that I didn't completely agree with. It was this paragraph:

"It takes many weeks and months to heal a broken heart. Years never erase the pain, even as it takes months to heal the wound of a severed arm or leg. But this wound is so invisible. How can anyone heal a wound that cannot be seen? Life is never the same again. Living on earth still has pleasant moments: its joys, its beauties, the rising and setting of the sun, the changing of seasons. But something has been lost, and your perspective of life has changed forever. The old love for life will never fully return." (pg. 26 Good Night, My Son - Esther F. Smucker)

This statement is partially true. I agree that it takes weeks and months for a broken heart to heal. I can see her point in calling it an invisible wound - because it's an emotional one, not a physical one (although the effects of the broken heart are easily seen by those around us). However, I believe this woman's perspective is a bit tainted by self-pity, which every grieving person has for a time. This book was written several years after her son's death and that is why I don't understand it.

Years don't erase anything, but they do heal pain. Life isn't ever the same, but the heartache, the healing, and the relationship we gain with our Lord makes it sweeter. The only thing lost is the loved one (and if they are a child or a Christian they are not truly lost - they are enjoying Heaven). Perspective is changed, but only in a sense that we understand life with more depth. A proper perspective is gained.

The statement which left me feeling desperate to say something was this: "The old love for life will never fully return." Oh, what a defeated spirit! It simply isn't true! Not only can joy fully return, but it can be even greater - IF you will claim that victory.

Having new perspective gives you a reason to appreciate the little things, a reason to embrace sweet moments. It motivates you to say "I love you" more often. It prompts you to hug your children more. It inspires you to embrace life while you have it and enjoy your loved ones while you have them. This new perspective enlivens you and you'll feel you must cry out to God with praise and thanksgiving!

Psalm 30:11-12 "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

You see, there is gain through loss. There is joy in affliction. (2 Cor. 8:2) There is happiness in heartache - really. I can honestly say that I have more joy now that I've suffered heartache. Yes, I miss my children...that will never change...but my joy is not gone. It has returned - in abundance! I've experienced the Lord in a way I never had before my losses. I've seen him in places I never thought to look for him. I've experienced his love so close up that I'll never forget the feeling I had while receiving it. Yes, pain is profitable and joy is a direct result of our trials - if we are allowing God to give it to us.

1 Peter 4:13 "But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."